Raya 2010.

Oh God. Raya this year… I feel nothing. So weird. Many things have changed and I don’t feel Tasikmalaya is my second-hometown anymore. Hmm.. Maybe since my cousin get married last month, I’m not excited going to Tasikmalaya anymore.

Yesterday morning I arrived at my grandma’s house and continue sleeping. Then on the night, me and my family were searching for some food. Then we went to sleep again. Today, after finished solat Ied and apologized to each other, I went to sleep again. Then I woke up, eat some food aaaaand went to sleep again. What the fuck? Today’s Raya, you idiot! Once in a year!

Now I can’t sleep. I’m waiting till 1am, waiting for going back to Bogor. I must go back to work on Monday. And I don’t know what to do now but.. writing this piece of shit. Yeah. Television is so boring, after “3 Idiots” is over and to be continued until tomorrow.

Tonight I went to my cousin’s house. And I met my cousin who got married last month. Her name is Dewi. Some of you maybe already knew about her through her pictures on my facebook. After she got married, we never talk as we used to do. And tonight is just the same. I was afraid get to near her because there was her husband beside her. I don’t wanna disturbing her. She seems so happy and she never separate (even for an inch) from her husband. She always sit and stand close to him. Then how could I sit beside her and doing the girls’ talk as we used to do? And suddenly I feel maybe her life is just so complete right now, so maybe she doesn’t need me anymore.. geeezzz what am I thinking?!

I felt neglected. I mean, I am happy for her marriage and her new life but… I don’t know.

And suddenly.. knowing the fact that everyone will leaving me alone one day (because of marriage)… it makes me scared. It makes me scared to death.

One day, everyone will get married. And (maybe) so do I. But sometimes I can’t imagine being separated from my family.. I love them so much. I depend on them sooo much. I used to be the one and only girl in the family, the most spoilt child and be the most attention seeker. Until now, I still learn how to accept the new members of my family (my brother’s girlfriends). Ohhh Mom.. please give me a clue. I need your suggestions.

The marriage itself is a weird concept. How could I survive, then?

Dear my bestfriends, you guys won’t leaving me alone, don’t you? Don’t you?? Promise me you won’t leaving me alone. Say you promise!!

[Tasikmalaya. 10 September 2010]



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