It’s called growing up, baby.

I’m sorry if we have to end like this. But what do you expect from me? I’m still 21. I admit that my emotion still unstable sometimes. But you know what, I never regret all my decision I’ve made when I was mad. Because it’s normal. I repeat, it’s NORMAL. People kinda do it. When I was angry and suddenly think all the negative sides, it’s also normal. Women usually do that. But well, it’s me, baby. And I would never change. I do love you and until now I still have faith in you. But I just cannot stand watching you waste my pure, original and indestructible love. If you cannot accept the way I am, so please just go. It’s not worth to keep you if you are not trying to keep me.

It’s normal if my thinking leads me to many kinds of options. Ohh, maybe you feel embarrassed having someone like me. Maybe you don’t want your friends know about me. Or maybe you just simply not proud of me.

But, you know what, I’m always telling my best friends about you. Because they’re not ‘others’ or ‘strangers’ for me. They’re my BESTFRIENDS. There’s nothing to hide about you and I do proud having someone like you.

How many times should I tell you that I’m actually okay if you are just wanna be friends with me? Fine, I’m totally okay with that. I can throw my feelings towards you step by step. Even if I need to cry, but its okay if you want it. I can’t believe I’m so into you and forget how many times my brothers keep told me not to do so. And the most important thing is, you successfully destroyed my interpretation of true love. You have ruined my belief in such thing.

Oh Gosh. This love starts killing me.

I never regret all my decisions I’ve made. Including this. Thanks to you, these days I couldn’t concentrate on my work. Oh, you don’t have to worry. It’s normal. I admit that you’re affecting my life so much. But sooner or later I have to throw away my feelings towards you and stop crying myself out loud.

Ohh–one more thing. I don’t hate you, don’t worry. I’m still in love with you actually. But I must take a stance.

It’s called growing up.

Ps : So this is it. It’s over. You’re right, baby. Since I loved you, I forgot to love myself. You told me that sometimes people just can’t be together with someone they love. You’re absolutely right. It’s happening to me right now.

[Rawamangun. 29 September 2009]

[10.05 pm]


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