I miss being me.

Woke up on 11am, I got my Dad finally arrived home from a long journey from Makassar. Maybe he frustrated because when he came home, his one and only daughter still fall asleep like a lazy cat—in his room. Without a smile or answer his salam. Sorry, Dad. I know you’re tired. And so do I. Later I’ll make food for breaking fast, okay?

Huuuaaaammmmhh. Good afternoon, everyone.

Let me take a deep breath for a sec. Okay. It’s Sunday, everyone. SUNDAY. It’s a sunny day outside, I’m home and I’m not fasting because of period. How cool is that?

Are you guys waiting for my new post? Hehe. Yeah, I know. It’s been a loooooooooonngg time for me not updating my blog. Be cool everyone, this blog is become a part of me. Sooner or later, I knew I will write again in this blog. No, not about economic nor politic. But about me and what’s on my mind. Tell me guys, what do I miss the most? First thing that came to my mind is, since I’m not updating this blog, many important people have passed away and I missed to write about them. Michael Jackson, Yasmin Ahmad, Mbah Surip, WS Rendra, Corazon Aquino.. and whoelse? Damn! I was very shocked when I read the news. Second, many crucial events that I also missed to write like my convocation on last August, earthquake on Sept 2, Malaysia-Indonesia issues concern about Tari Pendet, and so on and so forth. But—wait. Working in media makes my head full with any kind of news. And when I got overload informations, I can feel my head’s really spinning around and round and round and round.. Ohh God. Please stop.

Let me see, my last post is on… 5 August. And it was about him? Hahaha.. Well done, vega. Well done. Let’s move on to another topic.

Eight days again, Moslems will celebrate Idul Fitri. There are five days more before I can finally go to Tasik and celebrate Hari Raya there. FIVE DAYS more, vega. Five days in an activity called work, and you can be free. Be patient.

Guys, believe me. Work is not just about the money. By the time you enter this new phase of your life, believe me, you will never feel like being yourself anymore. It’s been almost two months for me, entering that ‘new life’ thing. This is the world that I dream most of the time. Finally, I’m a journalist. And I‘m proud of it. But guys, believe me. Life is not much easier even when your dreams came true. Let me explain to you for details.

1. Entering this ‘working life’ means meeting new people. And meeting new people means I must remember new names, new birthday dates, adding new contact numbers, adding their facebook, knowing their habits, and so on and so forth. Can you imagine that? When I learned sociology in USM, I heard my assistant lecturer once said that socialization is a social process for your entire life. And now I realized that. Socialization will never end. In many years to come, I will meet more new people in my working environment, later I’ll meet my husband’s family, my children’s friends’ parents, my new neighbors, my new lecturer… and so on and so forth. Gosh.

2. Once you enter ‘working life’, you will forget your own life. You will forget what time you should eat because your brain always calling for deadlines, deadlines and deadlines. You won’t care if you haven’t take shower even it’s already 11pm because you still doing your work. Because now you have responsibilities. Ohh–I miss playing with my cat, Luna. I miss saying happy birthday in my friend’s wall in facebook. I still haven’t tried any game applications on it. I miss talk with Wuri and Nichi, and start gossiping about their own guys. I cannot remember when the last time I ate McDonalds. I cannot remember when the last time I ate ice cream. I cannot remember when was the last time I downloaded new songs like I always do. One thing I remember is when I watched cin(T)a in Blitz Megaplex, alone. ALONE, guys. Ohh—this is a good movie anyway. Later I will review this movie. Btw, this is the most expensive movie I’ve ever watched. (Rp 50.000 cuy! RM15 lebih!) Hence, it’s an indie movie. Okay, back to topic. I don’t even know now we’re facing what year of Hijriah. I don’t even have time to go tarawih to the mosque anymore. I hope God will forgive me because almost everyday I was breaking fast with friends; I mean always ‘berjamaah’. I hope that will add my ‘pahala’ credits. I don’t have time to update my blog anymore. I don’t have time to do blogwalking anymore; enjoy reading someone’s brilliant idea and discuss about it. I hate see my reflection on a mirror. My hair starts to fall right now. Ohh.. I hope it won’t be bold anyway. Thank God I still have time to cut my nails, brush my teeth and cleaning my own bathroom. Ohhhh–I miss my friends. I mean, friends who already knew me and I can freely be myself. Can I work with them? Guys, can we work together? Come on guys, how if we build one production house and start to create our masterpiece? Or how if we pursue our master degree? Hahaha.. In your dreams, Ga.

3. Struggling in big city like Jakarta, is not always fun as you could ever imagined. Thank God there is busway anyway, that always make my life easier. Remember guys, when you got lost and feel like out of nowhere, there are many options left. You can ask everyone around you; where you exactly are. But be careful, others do not know Jakarta better than you. Believe me, Jakarta is 99% immigrants and 1% Jakarta citizens. There are many public transports in Jakarta, you can get in and get out anytime you want. And if you really don’t know direction, ask ‘tukang ojek’ and use his service to ride you to the place you wanna go. YES. As easy as that. But being alone in Jakarta, is another thing. I used to do things by myself, including when it’s time for lunch or dinner. But everyday?? Seems like I cannot stand it anymore. I have to make friends as soon as possible. My friends around my rent-room (baca: kosan) always got their boyfriend visit them. But me? Hahahaa.. Working in Jakarta is an option, and I already chose it anyway. But, how if you have neither friends nor boyfriend in Jakarta? How sad is that?

4. When I take a look on my father’s life, I realized that he has hang out friends which different from his work friends. His ‘friends’ are coming from high school and around my neighborhood. I rarely see he hang out with his work friends. Hmm. I think the same case goes for me. That’s why I separated my facebook into two accounts. Like people always say, business is business. Hehehe. Well, I just don’t wanna them (my work pals) know about my personal life. I don’t know why. Maybe one of the reasons is I wanna protect my Malaysians friends from any other thread. Guys, don’t get me wrong. I still love my country. I just don’t wanna create new conflicts. Enough about that issue. I know this conflict will not finish even until my grandchild era. Believe me.

See? That’s why I told you work is not just about the money. But I do need the money for continue my life. And I’m proud that I build my career of my own. I search the work ads on my own, then interviews, then searching room for rent in Jakarta, and then finally work on my own. Do you wanna know what the best part from work is? YES. The money. And there are other things. Here I show you.

1. Of course, money comes first everytime we think about work. We do need money, and that’s why we have to work. But work as a journalist, I feel like my ‘intelligence’ is much appreciated by that thing—money. And for the amount, please do not ask. It’s sensitive. Hehehe. So far, it’s enough for supporting me living in Jakarta. But maybe it can be different later when I have family. I feel so happy when finally I can bring my whole family breaking fast in a restaurant and all treat by me. Hehehe.

2. Here is the more important thing about work as a journalist. Guys, everytime press conference starts, I’m soooo excited! Ohh maaannn… seriously. I can feel my adrenalin is rushing! Sooo excited! Guys, meeting celebrities maybe can be that excited also but meeting Minister? It’s different. Guys, seriously. Wanna feel the difference? Be a journalist! J

3. Be a journalist also sharpening my critical thinking. I learned new things everyday. Cool! But at the same time, I always stress and frustrating about the deadlines. For now, I must know my capacity, I just don’t wanna force myself. Because if I doing so, I will get ill and I don’t wanna it happen again. I know I still have to learn more and more. Thank God I have nice ‘redaktur’ and nice work pals. Once again, Thank God. Even many people doubt about my newspaper (including my Dad), but I still proud of it. Even not many people know about Jurnal Nasional, but it’s actually hard to get in it. The reporters are really limited. And the people on ‘top positions’ are really great. Many of them are from Tempo, Bisnis Indonesia, and so on. Yeah guys–How’s that sound?

4. I also meet new people almost everyday. Be a journalist never makes you bored. You will always go out from office and make a report. I think I should buy a new pair of shoes—okay, I mean sneakers. Walking through Dukuh Atas bridge (transit busway from Pulogadung to Sudirman) EVERYDAY really makes my feet tired. Let me give you a clue, Dukuh Atas is like four times longer than ‘RST bridge’. Yeah guys, trust me. Empat kali lebih panjang dari jembatan RST itu. But when you walk on that, you can see Sudirman statue stands along sudirman streets. Yeah you’re right, the same Sudirman statue that you watched in ‘Nagabonar jadi 2’. The difference is, there’s no more Deddy Mizwar who tries to climb that statue. Interesting view isn’t it? My beat is in BUMN building right now (in front of Monas). And I have to get in busway from Rawamangun to get there. EVERYDAY.

Okay guys. That’s exactly what’s going on in my life right now. What about your life?

Oh God.

Sometimes I feel being a journalist really changed me a lot. I’m not express the truly me to others because I feel others are doing the same thing to me. Damn. I miss being me. Maybe it’s true about what Bari said in Fiksi. There’s difference between fiction and reality. In fiction, the show must have the ending. But in reality, the show must go on. Yeah guys, our life should go on. And the soundtrack of my life now would be Breakaway performed by Kelly Clarkson.

Will update again soon—but I cannot make sure when. See you guys later.

[Bogor, 13 September 2009]

[10.53 pm]


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