Welcoming new family members.

I always got problem on this thing : welcoming new family members.

It’s kinda hard for me at the first time. I’m getting used to be just four of us: me, my dad, and my brothers. But now, my older brother already got his soulmate. And so do my lil bro. Me myself also not alone anymore, but.. it’s kinda weird when I have to realize the fact that I have new ‘family’ members. Because I’m getting used to be just four of us. Now suddenly I have new ‘sisters in law’. Haha. Even they’re not married yet, but I have to adapt the situation where I’m not their one-and-only girl anymore. I’m not getting their full attention anymore. Haha. I’m sure this is not because I feel jealous. I just.. don’t know. This is just unlogical ‘afraid’ feeling. I feel like they are ‘intruders’, suddenly come out of nowhere and join our family. Suddenly I got ‘new friends’ who also care about me. Suddenly I got ‘new cool things’ which they gave to me just because I’m their ‘sisters in law’. Haha. Funny.

I think I do have problem welcoming new family members. What if they are not like our family?

I’m afraid my family won’t stick together anymore. I mean, there are lots of changing happened in our family. And I’m getting sick of it. My lil bro often wears shirt which has ‘thailand’ words or symbol on it. My big bro often had a looonggg chat with his girl through his cell until he often ignore me when I ask him for help. I know those are ordinary things. Pacaran, kan? I mean, gw juga pacaran tapi kayanya gw biasa aja laaaahh. But as a girl, I don’t even notice how much girls can actually affect boys.

Despite the fact that I’m not giving full attention to my guy, I’m giving my full attention to my family. Of course lah kan. But lately I think me just being too cared to them. I busy asked them what food they wanna eat for dinner. I busy asked them what time they will come home. I busy asked them what plan they have on weekends. I reject all invitations from my friends just for spend time with my family. Because when I’m home, I promised to myself that my time belongs to my family. But what happened to them? They’re seemed not care about me. They have their own ‘business’ to take care of. Haha. Vega…vega. Come on.. sooner or later, they will have their own family. And so do you.

After 5 years since my mom left us, situation in our house never be the same. I become more silent, too passive, and don’t wanna people notice my existence. The more people don’t know who I am, the more better my life would be. It’s kinda awkward now. I can feel emptiness around my house. We never talk much anymore. Sometimes we had fun and laugh together. But for the ‘sad’ part, we almost don’t wanna share it. We create our problems by ourselves, and we solve problems by ourselves. We enjoy our own time by ourselves now. Autism happens.

And for Teh Novi and Natt, even though u guys will never read this post, I just wanna say.. welcome to our family then. Thanks for caring and thanks for all the gifts. Hehe. I think I have to learn how to adapt with this situation. I have to learn welcoming u guys in my family.

100_7460-50%

Teh Novi.

100_7110-25%

Natt.

[Bogor, 27 Juni 2009]

[10.29 pm]

Ps: Last night I had weird dream again. Jurnas called me and asked me to go to their office in Jakarta this Monday for interview session. Hppffhhhh. By the way, I think I should have a loooongggg chit chat with someone. SOON. Whoever she/he is. Udah lama ngga ngobrol panjang lebar sama orang. Kayanya udah waktunya gw sering-sering keluar dari rumah.


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