Aku masih pingin kuliah!

Dear God.
I’m trying to be honest this time. I mean like, VERY HONEST to you. Now has been a week. Five days called ‘work’ in Malaysian News Agency known as BERNAMA. But I already feel depressed. STRESS. Really deep.

It’s not about how hard it is to get money. No. Not about that. I do understand how hard it is. I’m just feel like..I’m not mentally ready with this ‘work’ thing. I still wanna go college. I still want to study. I prefer go to Prof. Mus’ class. I still want to discuss more with Puan Wang. I like listening Dr. Azwan’s words. I still wanna dance for Aman Damai. I love being involved in PPI-USM. I love facing exams. I love waiting my semgrade appears as a notice on usm.my.

Aku masih pingin kuliah.

Aku masih cinta sama statusku sebagai mahasiswi.

I love college life.

I love being called college girl.

The saddest part is : there’s only one year left for me. ONE LAST YEAR to get my degree. After that, I’m not college girl anymore.

I feel like there are maaanny things I still don’t know about this work field as a journalist. Its terms. Its condition. Its environment. Its people. I’m just not ready. Physically and mentally. I’m still 19. Age that still want to have fun. And have fun doesn’t necessarily means spend a looot of money. I know where I come from. I know who I am. I still wanna hang out with my girl friends. Gossiping. Try to attract guys. Laugh at people’s fools. And many other things that I love to do.

I realized I must thank to You for not let me do things like making coffee or just photocopying papers during my practical. I do appreciate my senior journalists in BERNAMA and of course my supervisor, Encik Mokhtar, even we don’t talk a lot. I must thank to everybody in BERNAMA who sincerely sharing knowledge and experience about this journalism world. They tried to tell me what journalism is all about. And I tried SO HARD to understand. 

I know I have to alert with recent issues because someday I’ll make the follow-up stories. But I don’t really interest talking about politics in this country and its policies or even about the ministers and its problems just because I don’t know the ‘history’ and the previous story about who-what-when- dan sebagainya. Seems like know who is Agong is never enough.

I know I have to know the place where an event or a press conference will be held. Tomorrow’s assignment will be given this evening. So kira-kira begini siklusnya :

This evening the editor will assign something to me whether it is a press conference or a simple event which many important people is coming. And of course I will go with my senior. I must be sure where the place is. I must check my senior’s number and contact he/she then make an appointment to meet up somewhere. I must be sure about how to get to the place right. After attending press conference, don’t forget to get name cards. Senang sikit nak confirm nanti. After that, I’ll go to office. Type the story. Check spelling, words, numbers, statements; everything; before send to the sub-editor. After that, take lunch and pray for a moment. Then back to the office and be ready for editor’s questions. After that, check your story whether it is edited or not. If it’s edited, means your story is clear and editor has approved it. After that, check for tomorrow’s assignment. As simple as that. Then tomorrow the routine is repeated.

I know I have to prepare my recorder, my earphone, my notes, and of course my pen before I went to press conference. But until now, I haven’t got my PRESS card yet. Without it, I feel not 100% as journalists even my looks and my things have make an approval.

But the previous week I became such a silent person. I was too lazy to ask many questions. I ran away from eye contact. I enjoyed my ‘little leisure’ time by checking emails and watching sinetron and RTM together with my pals in BERNAMA rather than initiate asking for more assignment to ‘kerani’ BERNAMA, Encik Jamalt.

Oh. And that is another thing. I think my pals also feel the same. We’re just not ready for work. In the office, we busy want to know what our friend is doing. In facts, we always gather. Seems like we don’t want to separate from each other. We always whine about how cold it is in the office. We always worry about what time we’re going home today. We always wondering what assignments will be given next. We hope tomorrow we can go with senior A and don’t want to go with senior B. We always whine about how hurt it is to wear shoes and sandals that have heels. We busy preparing what to wear tomorrow. We busy taking picture in the office (mmm. That’s only me actually).


Yeah. That’s all because I am too lazy to ask more assignments. After my first assignment is done, I prefer browsing for a moment or gossiping with my pals. I still don’t want to do 2 assignments in one day. It’s so penat you know. Typing one story is not easy babe. You have to get your facts right. You have to know what is actually happens. At least you know the background news. You have to arrange words by words. You have to check and re-check the whole story many times. Then you can submit your story to the sub-editor. You will always rushing because meanwhile you are fighting with time (BERNAMA, kaaaan. Ga mungkin ngasi berita basi). But don’t wish your activity ends there. Remember, you must listen editor’s note first, then you can go home.

Oh God. I do love my major. But is this the world that I dream most of the time? Is this activity that I’ll face 10 until 20 years from now? Is this career that I want? Am I happy with this? Does my salary from this job can pay bills? I keep asking myself.

Then I realized that ‘love’ is not enough.

God. Please show me your way.

I do want this career. I do love journalism.

I know you will bless me.

I’m just not ready.

My body seems slimmer than two weeks before when I still in Penang.

God. Please don’t make me regretting my own decision.

Please make me ready for this routine.



[vista angkasa. 11 Mei 2008]

[11:29 pm]



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